Blogaloutions

Bonne année and happy 2014 to all! Are we really already a month into the new year? And has it really been almost 2 months since my last post??

I was partially MIA due to the fact that my long visit home was insanely busy (as home usually is), filled with a flurry of friends, family, much missed food, painting commissions and workshops, and a surprise trip to the arctic tundra that is the northeast (Boston was 4 fahking degrees!)

…but part of my lack of writing was due to the fact that I didn’t quite have the words. I know, I know. It might seem incroyable- Me, not have words?? But I was silently bottling up something I’ve been trying to hide for far too long. And this is my confession for the new year: in spite of all my denial- in spite of this very blogs title- I am… a little lost.

*Warning. This shits about to get personal and maybe a bit ranty so proceed with caution… Continue reading

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In with the new

Bonne Annee!

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I can’t believe it’s already 2013! Where did 2012 go? It’s been a while since my last post as December was a whirlwind of travelling, Christmas festivities, vin chaud and noel marche exploring, squeezing in time with old friends, new friends, boyfriends (just the one really) and finally the arrival of the Christmas Ambassador and the adventures that ensued. And then there was Berlin- a whirlwind of fascinating (and depressing) history, wild all nighters (literally ALL night- the earliest I left a bar was 4 am!), an energetic new years with fireworks a plenty (anyone can buy what ever kind they want at your local convenience store), and a loonnggg 13 hour drive across Germany back to Montbeliard. So yeah. Sorry I’ve been MIA. I’ve been re-cooperating from the past month.

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See?

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Happy New Year from Berlin!

Unfortunately so far 2013 has not been off to the best start for me. My really nice, expensive camera that I bought (normally I don’t buy expensive technology!) as a Christmas present for myself last year, broke on Christmas this year (haven’t had a complete melt down yet because I’m waiting on Macgyver to work his magic). Then my little camera broke on New Years day and soon after my right hand went out of commission with tendinitis. No photos, no painting, no writing and no ukulele practicing. What is 2013 trying to tell me?? Give up the artist pipe dream? Anyone who knows me will understand what hell it is for me to have my outlets of creativity cut off. However, I have had to exercise my creativity in other ways, like adapting to left hand use and not going crazy. That’s something. Fortunately it’s steadily improving and I can type! The start of this year has also been an exercise in mind over matter and creating my own happiness. Which leads me to the Resolutions.

The majority of my lessons so far have centered around New Years traditions in the U.S. (I was surprised to learn that very few of them know about the ball drop in Times Square) but mostly around New Year’s Resolutions. Amazingly enough I’ve received a few thoughtful and specific resolutions- one student was determined to hug her friends once a day, another to give up on bad boys who make her cry, and of course many used the the oh so popular “quit smoking”. But as I worked with my students to commit to one thing they wanted to improve for the new year, I became more determined to solidify my list of things I want to change for this next chapter.

I’ve been reading a book entitled The Happiness Project by Gretchen Ruben for quite some time (note to self: read more) and the author makes some eloquent points that I find particularly relevant to my life right now and to my resolutions.

1. “Be Gretchen. I have an idea of who I wish I were, and that obscures my understanding of who I actually am.” I personally struggled with this idea last year as I made the decision to move away from my life, my little community in Boston and head overseas to France. I had to let go of living my life in the way that I think I should live it and instead live how I actually want to live it. And it’s a nice reminder- Be Anna. Do those things that challenge you, but don’t force it. Push those comfort zone boundaries, but don’t step so far outside that you lose yourself.

2. However Ruben contrasts this idea with a quote from Yeats, “Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing.” His words resonate with my particular desire to be in the moment, to take more risks- things that are not easy for a type A, over-achieving, planner like myself. But it’s true- when I feel like I’m growing, I’m happy.

3. Which leads me to three. To grow we must make choices and “our lives are in the space between Isaiah Berlin’s ‘We are doomed to choose and every choice may entail an irreparable loss’ and Borges’s Garden of Forking Paths, where every choice produces a quantum explosion of alternate futures.” Basically this is a wordy way of reemphasizing my need to be here now, to trust my choices and to stop psychoanalyzing the present for an unknown future. Easier said than done, but that’s what resolutions are for, right? 

4. And finally “one of the many paradoxes of happiness: we seek to control our lives, but the unfamiliar and the unexpected are important sources of happiness.” I am a control freak. There is no way around it. I’m working on it, but I say bring it on 2013! Here’s to a year full of unfamiliar and unexpected, new choices and continued growth, unplanned futures, and the ever-present effort to be in the moment and to just be Anna.

Bonne Anne a Tous!